Ends and Beginnings

This is the third day without my mother on this earthly plain. There seems to be a huge void in my world and yet if I look outside the world is still turning. Doesn't anyone KNOW what the hell happened? SHE IS GONE! SHE IS GONE and I am having a very hard time dealing with it.
Why is it so hard for the world to take one minute for Momma? One minute for them to have a moment of silence and gratitude for all the beauty she contributed to this world????

My Mom was an artist, an avid reader, a teacher, a guide, a protector, a vision of pixie like beauty, delicate and strong, always smelling of powdery sweetness. She taught me tolerance of all people regardless of their color, religion, or how they chose to lead their private lives. She taught me tolerance of those who are different, and intolerance to those who harbor hate. She was NOT a quiet woman and was vocal about things she was most passionate about, never afraid to speak her mind, she was blunt to the point of almost shocking at times, and yet, people expected nothing less from her.

She was the unspoken Mayor of Third Street, they filmed tv shows and commercials in her apartment. I remember shortly after having my first son a knock at her window prompted me to get up and pull up the shade of her living room window and standing there was Benjamin Bratt! Yup! I had morning breath, bad hair and still half asleep and he was standing there hoping to say good morning to Penny! Thanks Mom! I think I turned the man off any further meals of his day!

She cooked for a soup kitchen, prayed for the ailing, and hated what the politicians were doing to "her" New York.

She and I spent several incredible hours together before she passed away, I sang to her, I talked to her, and I begged her to trust me, to honor me with leaving this earth in my presence. I am not scared of the act of dying, I held my son in my hands as he gasped his first and last breath.

I could never be afraid of the woman whose hands held my hair back as I threw up with a stomach virus, the hands that swabbed cold ice compresses over my feverish body, the woman who explained I should never chase any man, as my worth was far beyond diamonds (never really listened to that one), the woman who adored my children and was filled with pride and joy and love each and every time she spoke of them. I swear she made this black haired, black eyed, olive complected woman give birth to a red haired green eyed baby boy by her sheer will alone!

My world is a little quieter today, a little lonlier too, however, today I embark on a new journey, one with my head a little straighter, a little stronger of heart, and hopefully I will step into my Mom's shoes and continue this legacy of love. I want to be just like her when I grow up.